Lead with the message, not the wind-up
Long preambles increase anxiety for both people. State the issue plainly in the first thirty seconds, then give space.
Separate behaviour from identity
'The report missed the deadline twice' is workable. 'You are unreliable' is a fight. Language decides whether the other person stays in the conversation.
Close with a shared next step
End every difficult conversation with one agreed action and a date. Resolution is what people remember, not the discomfort.
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